Friday, June 29, 2007

The iPhone is Here (or, Invasion of the Brain Snatchers)

Apple released the much-ballyhooed iPhone to the masses today, and while this is being treated as a grand day for technophiles, I see it as yet another strike against humanity.

Oh, the humanity.

It’s bad enough that we already live in a society that wherever you look, you are surrounded increasingly more and more by oblivious idiots that walk through life staring down at their blackberries, blueberries or whatever the Hell mobile umbilical cord they happen to have attached themselves to. I’ve seen people walk into traffic, into poles, into each other – all because they simply tear themselves away from their e-mail long enough to walk from the Subway to the office (where, it should be pointed out, the e-mail gleefully awaits them).

The iPhone is sure to kick up the social retardation a few more unbearable notches. It’s got e-mail! Videos! MP3s! Internet access! Voice mail! YouTube! Holy mother of GOD, it’s got EVERYTHING! So – how long before someone gets hit by a commuter train because they were too busy opening up 1GB .AVI files attached to their webmail to se see the train coming?

Some mornings I see commuters hop on the bus, one after another, all yapping away on their bluetooths and unbelievably annoying chirping walkie-talkie 2-way phones…or the inevitable e-mail-reading downward-staring obliviot. It blows my mind.

It’s not that I’m old-fashioned…I like gadgets as much as the next guy (look – I even BLOG). I just worry about a society that continues to implode exponentially inward from a glaring misconception that it needs to be in touch every minute of every hour of every day – so much so that the concept of having to do WITHOUT their redundant lifelines can throw them into frenzied panic attacks.

Maybe I am turning into a crotchety old man, but to me, the need for constant contact has eclipsed the natural desire for ACTUAL contact – be it with other people or the world around us. You can’t enjoy watching life go by of you’re too busy staring down at a 3” by 3” LCD screen.

In other words - it’s hard to stop and smell the roses when your phone keeps buzzing. Me? I’m still trying to find a good turntable stylus.

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Today's The Day

Some good advice from the legendary Ray Stevens.